Talking about a child’s needs and expectations can be tough. This is especially true when you must explain to a parent that their child may have learning differences. In today’s society, this becomes even harder due to the overwhelming social media presence. So many of us have the need to present the best side of ourselves to the adoring world. It seems that every parent wants the perfect child who has no issues. Yet is there really such a thing as a perfect human?
The offense comes when the child appears to be all that is “normal” but struggles with the unseen learning challenge. These issues can sneak up on the parent all a sudden as the student is leaving for college or heading into high school. Then the blame game starts. Parents blame one another, the school, the teachers, the ex, or even COVID.
This past week, I struggled with telling a friend of mine that her child had a learning difference that she needed to address. I do this all day long at my office but struggled to find the right words to let her know that it was time to step up and do something now. Why is this so uncomfortable to us as a society? I discovered that this is the unseen and unrecognized “shame” issue. Understand, there is nothing wrong with having a learning difference or a learning struggle.
Yet we have a really hard time telling others that there is something that needs a helping hand. Is this the same as telling a friend that they have muck on their face or their panty line is showing? No, absolutely not. It is like telling someone that they have an emotional, mental, or health issue. These are not popular conversations, and these are very hard places to be. What should I say and how do I say it?
First, it must be a person who allows you to speak into their life. You need to have that relationship established so that you can speak into their life. Second, the best way is not to state it as a fact. Rather, ask leading questions. Their answers to your questions will help them realize that they have already observed these issues. Third, it is important that you do not use a judgmental tone. You want it to be clear that you are speaking out of love and not out of malice or spite.
What are the leading questions that you should ask?
- Have you noticed that your child (use their name) struggles a bit with schoolwork, homework, conversations, etc.?
- Have you recognized a difference in your child (name please) from their peers or siblings?
- Has the child’s teachers, coaches, or other adult influencers mentioned anything to you about your child’s behavior or learning?
- Have you had any frustrations in working with your child on homework, schoolwork, remembering directions, etc.?
These are just a few of the possible questions you can ask to open the conversation. Know what resources are available for them and be able to offer them. Direct them toward programs that will help them get to the root of the issue. Perhaps you can purchase a gift card to LearningRx. They can get an assessment of their learning skills and a complimentary consultation with a specialist. Understand that knowing what to say and when to ask these questions is important.
Perfection is not possible for any human, but learning is. That is the opportunity you are offering. So, how did my conversation go with my friend? She was already feeling like there was a problem and wondered why I had not said something! She felt like I, as her friend and a specialist, would notice if there was something going on, and I should have said something. So, in short, she was very grateful. Now I have the opportunity to bring massive change into that family’s life. Because make no mistake, this affects the whole family and the environment in the home.
For more information about cognitive brain training: contact LearningRx Shreveport. Call 318.797.8523 or email shreveport.la@learningrx.net. You can also learn more on our main website at Get Started.
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Previously published in LOLA magazine and The Collective by Donesa Walker. Some of the information has been updated since the previous publication, and some changes have been made to make the article more blog friendly.
The Misunderstood Child
A poem about children with hidden disabilities by Kathy Winters
I am the child that looks healthy and fine.
I was born with ten fingers and toes.
But something is different, somewhere in my mind,
And what it is, nobody knows.
I am the child that struggles in school,
Though they say that I’m perfectly smart.
They tell me I’m lazy — can learn if i try —
But I don’t seem to know where to start.
I am the child that won’t wear the clothes
Which hurt me or bother my feet.
I dread sudden noises, can’t handle most smells,
And tastes — there are few foods I’ll eat.
I am the child that can’t catch the ball
And runs with an awkward gait.
I am the one chosen last on the team.
And I cringe as I stand there and wait.
I am the child with whom no one will play —
The one that gets bullied and teased.
I try to fit in, and I want to be liked,
But nothing I do seems to please.
I am the child that tantrums and freaks
Over things that seem petty and trite.
You’ll never know how I panic inside,
When I’m lost in my anger and fright.
I am the child that fidgets and squirms
Though I’m told to sit still and be good.
Do you think that I choose to be out of control?
Don’t you know that I would if I could?
I am the child with the broken heart
Though I act like I don’t really care.
Perhaps there’s a reason God made me this way —
Some message He sent me to share.
For I am the child that needs to be loved
And accepted and valued too.
I am the child that is misunderstood.
I am different – but look just like you.
